Meet The Band
We're going to be at your reception, the least we can do is give you fair warning.
This is Graham. He’s the drummer, obviously. No, I don’t know why he has the bass either, but I think we can all agree he is magnificent.
Graham is basically a human metronome and has drummed on tour with bands ranging from Bis and Chris Devotion and the Expectations, to Kenickie. Graham doesn’t drink and drum, so don’t worry about buying him a pre-gig pint, but as the nicest member of the band, he will decline enthusiastically.
This is Evan. He is the singer so he tries to skip out of doing the legwork and is terrible at replying to emails, yet naturally somehow considers himself the most important. Look at him; bloody Mariah.
Still, he is the one that has to deal with a tipsy Uncle Boaby demanding “The Gambler” for the 30th time. And he’s not too bad at singing. But I mean, look at him.
This is Chris. He looks so delighted because Graham’s carrying his bass.
Yes, both musically and organisationally, Chris holds us all together. He’s our low-frequency lord, our giant bottom end, our funky glue. Chris has played guitar and bass in bands all his life so we can only imagine he still puts up with us from force of habit.
Chris only speaks in facts and thinks Phil Collins is the greatest solo artist of the 20th century. Deal with that.
This is Keithboards. Gaze upon his fingers of majesty.
Keith actually teaches music for a living. Genuinely. So you can be sure that A) Your children will be being taught properly the importance of both Hall and Oates, and B) If it’s an F#mb7 on the record, then Keith will have told us to play an F#mb7.
We cannot guarantee the rest of us will know how to do that, but bearing in mind one of the band is a drummer, we only need one other member to get it right and 50% of the band will be in tune! Those are pretty good odds.
This is Justin. I’ll be honest with you, we’re not entirely sure where he came from. Swear to god, he just kind of started turning up. Err… I mean, he’s harmless, so like, don’t worry about it, it’s all good. It’s just, well, I mean, who is he?
It’s cool. Don’t worry about it. He plays a great guitar.
Just let him be.
...And always ready to help
His real identity shrouded in secrecy, founding B.o.G. member “El Chippie” had to flee the country recently after a war of words with legendary children’s entertainer Wee Stuart Anderson spiralled out of control.
Thinking it’s a foreign country with no extradition treaty, he now lives on his boat circling the Isle of Man, a bit like Statham at the start of The Mechanic 2. However, he can occasionally be coaxed to the mainland to play with the band where the guitar skills that made him South Lanarkshire Young Musician of the Year are always welcome.
This is Liam (far left). All you really need to know is that, a few minutes before this shot was taken, he had uttered the phrase “We ain’t dancing until the DJ plays Carly Rae.”
A professional drum tutor (he can read percussion music!) and drummer with Edinburgh’s incredible Soul Foundation, Liam helps out if Graham is busy being magnificent somewhere else. A long-time friend of the band, he’s always willing to help. Just don’t ask him about the tempo of “Boys of Summer.” He may weep.